3 August 2009
on why I’m leaving my partner…
I’ve been with my “partner” for probably 10 years now, but the routine is getting a little bit old. I give and give, but they just take and take. I think it’s time to break it off. It will be difficult and it will take a while to tie up all of the loose ends, but in the end, I think I will be happier and more fulfilled. Of course I am talking about my credit card. I call her Sally.
Why now? Why have I waited all these years to abandon Sally? For many years, she really never caused me any problems. Sally conveniently purchased things for me online and in stores. I didn’t have to pay for 30 days and I didn’t have to keep track of all those annoying details, like how much I was spending. It was just easier that way. She even gave me gifts every year as long as I spent enough. Sure there was that tense period during each month when I was informed just how much she had spent, but I never let it get out of control. Our relationship was measured and stable. I think our relationship worked out so well because we stayed out of each other’s hair for the most part. She did her job and I did mine, but we really didn’t have to talk very often.
But then about a year ago, the troubles began. First, I tried to purchase a larger item online. The transaction would not go through, but there was no explanation for why. After several attempts, I felt I must investigate further, so I contacted Sally’s provider to question why she was not fulfilling her relational duties. Apparently the provider was concerned that Sally may have been cheating with another man, so chose to disallow the transaction. After a brief discussion, we were both convinced that Sally had not been unfaithful and the provider allowed Sally to perform her duties as requested. Now I guess I should feel grateful that they were concerned for my their security, but it was a bit of an inconvenience.
Then the letters started. Sally would send me long, boring letters in type so small that she was sure I couldn’t read it. She buried details deep in the paragraphs. These were changes that she wanted to make to our relationship, but really didn’t want me to know about. Honestly, I still don’t know what those changes were. I didn’t read the letters, but Sally has become so selfish lately that I can’t imagine that they are for my benefit.
Then one month, I slipped. I didn’t give Sally her full allowance f0r the month. I said it was okay because I’d make up for it next month. She pretended that she was all right and didn’t react at the time, but she knew that she would make it up to me later. The next month came and I made it all right. Everything was paid for and I thought we were even. But to my surprise, when the next month’s bill came, she determined to make me pay. The dreaded “double-cycle billing” had struck. At first I was confused. How could I have incurred finance charges when I hadn’t even made a purchase? I decided to drag out the microscope and read some of the fine print in one of the love letters and discovered the wretched rule.
Well, the straw that broke the camel’s back took place last week. Once again, while making an innocent purchase, my card was declined. I contacted the provider and after a few questions to verify my identity (restroom habits, what I had for dinner, etc.), they were able to allow the transaction to go through. I thought all was good until yesterday when I went online to check my balance. Lo and behold my account information was no longer available. I call, I wait, I talk to a person (I think it was a person). Ah, my account is locked because of the potentially fraudulent transaction from last week. After a few more personal questions (how many showers do I take a week, favorite band, etc.), they said I could access my account in 3-5 business days. What? Incredulous, I asked if this was going to happen every time that I decided to purchase something “questionable”. They conceded that they could give me temporary access to my account, but that was a different department. After being transferred and asked a few more questions (do I have hairy toes, do my armpits smell more like rotten bananas or a dead squirrel. I’m starting to wonder how they know the answers to all of these questions), they were kind enough to give me access to my account temporarily for one day. After that I will have to wait until the account is cleared by the first department.
Sorry Sally, but I think I can do without all the drama.
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3 Comments currently posted.
Trent Hamm says:
matthew says:
Thanks Trent. I’d be happy to have 1% of your readers.
Chris Sumpter says:
Dave Ramsey would be so proud of you.
I liked it!